So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
