On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
