omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
