You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
