carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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