nut hugger
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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