So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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