i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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