his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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