Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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