Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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