This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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