awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
