I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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