I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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