Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
