I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
