We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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