barbara walters just said penis...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
