i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize