Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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