Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
