Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize