Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
