Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
