he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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