"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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