My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They have beer where we have blood.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
