Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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