you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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