Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
