Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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