Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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