oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
only you would photoshop your dick
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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