i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
