why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
