I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
