To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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