So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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