Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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