TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am naked and annoyed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize