Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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