She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
