I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
