He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
