He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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