two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize