i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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