State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
