the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
