I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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