I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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