We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize