I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
