you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We need to rekindle our bromance
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
