he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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