Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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