I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
