Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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