I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
