everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
