Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
