What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
