I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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