FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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