It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
