with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize