one two three fourrrrnication!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
