I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
