oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My penis needs a shock collar
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Damn victory sex feels great
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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